Quick links: Definition | Terms To Know | Cuckqueans | Non-Monogamy | Why Try | My Experience | Pros & Cons | Next Steps | FAQs
Hello to all my BDSM-minded friends.
I’m excited to be getting into a bit of the non-monogamous side of the lifestyle with you. We will explore a concept that uses terminology that has been part of the English lexicon since the 1250s.
And you probably thought BDSM was newer than that.
- A cuckold relationship is a semi, or one-sided open relationship where the cuck stays monogamous with the primary partner, but the Hotwife has scenes with others.
- Cuck relationships practice a form of ethical non-monogamy to fulfill the needs and fantasies of both sides of the primary couple.
- There is no set way the cuckold experience has to work. Each couple builds rules that work for them.
What is a Cuckold?
The word cuckold is an odd one. It gets its meaning from the cuckoo bird, which would lay eggs in the nests of other birds. So, what does that have to do with BDSM?
There are many ways this type of relationship can present itself, and there is no right or wrong formula. The right way to explore a cuckold relationship dynamic is the one that works best for you.
Important Cuckolding Terms to Know
Like many aspects, cuckolding has its unique vocabulary. To make the conversation more manageable, let’s cover the basics.
I’ll tell you right now that this relationship dynamic is most prevalent in a male/Female pairing, so I’ll use those terms throughout. I still wanted to give you the variations so you can talk the talk when you walk the walk.
First, you already know we like to shorten words when we talk, so when we talk about cuckolds or their female equivalent known as cuckqueans, we use the term cuck. This is because the male and female terms start with those four letters.
The non-monogamous spouse in this dynamic is often known as a Hotwife. The male would then be known as a Hothusband.
Interesting power exchange, right?
Not everyone is comfortable with having sex with someone in front of their primary partner. It takes a special sort. In the world of cuck, you are talking about Bulls and Cuckcakes.
A fun thing about Bulls is that they frequently engage in verbal degradation of the cuck while engaged with the Hotwife. This adds another layer of intensity for all participants but is not a hard requirement.
A Bit More About Cuckqueans
As I mentioned, a cuckquean is a female cuck equivalent to a cuckold. The term is a merging of the word cuckold and quean. We have already discussed cuckold meaning, so why don’t we look at quean?
While some discrepancy exists in the origins and meaning, the consensus is that the word roughly translates to a woman of ill repute or who is disreputable. This is an interesting thing for me as a lover of words closely related to the modern term for a prostitute.
I question why a woman who wants to share is considered unrespectable while her male equivalent is simply a fool. This seems especially odd, considering historically, we are more likely to see a male with multiple partners than a female.
We were already covering terms, but this one is so important that it needs its own section.
The idea of ethical non-monogamy or ENM is widely embraced in the BDSM community, as well as other types of non-traditional relationships such as polyamory, throuples, swinging, or a host of others.
ENM is essential because, contrary to what many uninformed believe, you can still have cheating even in an open relationship. The critical thing here is to have open, honest communication with your partner. Establish rules and stick to them. Violations of those rules are cheating. It’s just that simple.
There are so many reasons people decide to get involved in cuck relationships. As I tend to say, there are as many reasons and variations as there are people involved in this kink. I know that seems like an exaggeration, but it’s mostly true.
For some, the decision to cuck is made from the early stages of the relationship, while for others, it begins later. It depends on the reasons for the cucking and the desired outcome for those involved.
Cucking offers a solution to a wide assortment of issues that a relationship may encounter, from unequal sex drives and sexual dysfunction to fulfilling kinks.
Having a cuck can also take on many forms. Some always include the active participation of the cuck, even if that is limited to watching. For others, the Hotwife goes home and tells her cuck all about what she was doing while out.
Personal Experiences With Cuckolding
It may surprise many of you to learn that although I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for a long time, most of my relationships are monogamous. That is not to say that I have not engaged in non-monogamy, both ethically and not.
I am not the cuckquean sort since I firmly believe what’s mine is mine. Selfish, I know, but my drive is through the roof, and I’m not the sit-and-watch type.
I have, however, had some experience as a Hotwife at different points in my life. I haven’t worked with a Bull since my leanings and experiences are not in the 100% typical range. Again, it’s always about finding what works for you and your partner.
Advantages of cuckold
- Can fulfill fantasies that may otherwise be unattainable
- Allows couples to stretch beyond monogamy
- Gives a different view of the sexual experience of your partner
Disadvantages of cuckold
- Requires strict adherence to set rules
- Can create intense emotions and emotional fallout
- May destroy an otherwise solid relationship
I say this a lot, but with all things BDSM, communication cannot be overstressed. Sit and take the time to talk about what exactly you want to achieve with this relationship style. Then, talk even more about rules and guidelines.
Take it slowly! There are many differences between having a fantasy and when it becomes a reality. Remember, if it isn’t what you want, you should always feel safe to stop.
Make sure that any play partner understands the scenario. Nothing ends the fun quite as fast as an ambush. Make sure he knows the rules as you and your partner have discussed them, so there are no unpleasant surprises.
And, as always, with all BDSM activities, make sure you trust your partner and have a safe word!
Is cuckolding a good solution to a struggling relationship?
Absolutely not. You need to have a strong and stable relationship before adding this aspect. Cuckolding is about fulfilling fantasies and satisfying kinks. A broken relationship will not be made stronger by jumping into something new.
What exactly do I do while being cucked?
This has as many answers as there are people. And there are many factors to weigh what might be acceptable or work for you. You must find the rules and limits that fulfill you and your partner.
My potential Hotwife is not at all submissive. Can this still work?
Yes, it can. Talk about what you both want and how best to create that scene.