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Sex advice is available at a moment’s notice – unsolicited or not. Sexual pleasure and ‘tricks’ on how to better it is something anyone is familiar with, thanks to the wide array of websites, magazines, and Tweets that circulate daily. Whether it’s clitoral stimulation, oral stimulation, or even anal – it’s pretty overwhelming having to see it all the time.
Without having to go too in-depth or overtly simple about things, such as ‘ penis enters vagina, therefore it make sex’, this article will dive into some of the more simple sex tips out there – but ones that can better your mental health and performance at the same time.
What to Consider
Tips for better sexual health
Know yourself first. Before dialling up a sex therapist and asking a bunch of questions on ‘how to do X’, try experimenting with yourself. Your partner will greatly appreciate being given some guidance – and your genitals will be happy about it too.
Work out. While not as sexy, but being able to find the stamina and strength to have sex will amp you up with endorphins and adrenaline. Both hormones work well when trying to do sexy time with your partner.
Practice mindfulness. Being in tune with yourself isn’t just for mommy bloggers and yoga instructors. Try to focus on your wants, wishes, and desires on a deeper level – practice good mental health habits and stay away from negativity. It will greatly impact your performance in the short and long term.
Maintain your relationship. Something often overlooked when discussing amping your sex life is having a stable relationship, whether friendship, romance or both. Your sexual fantasies may take a hit if you haven’t established any boundaries, rules or are too distant with each other – which means an orgasm will follow suit.
Tips for knowing your partner
Turnoffs. Both men and women have difficulty expressing themselves simply out of fear of being too boring in bed. Don’t like dirty talk? Not that much into sex toys? The New York ‘star is born’ roleplaying trope is not up your valley? A good tip: communicate, set clear rules, and watch the magic happen when you’re fully comfortable during play time.
Turn-ons. On the flip side, getting hot and heavy is impossible if you don’t have a deep level of understanding and intimacy between each other. Appreciate a good hair tug during oral sex? Doggy is your favorite sex position? Like adding a vibrator during hanky panky? All great stuff to communicate to your partner for the ultimate O!
Explore. Most people find their bedroom to be the most comfortable place to have sex in. While a good starting point, never end your fun fantasies there. Your sex life (and your partner) will appreciate a good mouth-to-mouth roleplaying session, maybe some outdoor nooky, or new positions on the kitchen table.
General Dos and Dont’s
The best sex tips are those that follow some general guidelines and don’t dive too deep inside your intimacy. Whether it’s sex positions, ‘better’ sexual satisfaction, self-satisfaction or anything else in between – there is no one rule across the board to rule them all. However, as with most things, there are general things to avoid doing – and some things that may be able to help your performance and comfort levels while with your partner.
Communicate clearly. It’s often difficult trying to maintain your composure while trying to find the clitoris at the same time, but communication is the most important component of any activity. This also includes sexy times with your significant other (or fuck buddy, that is). It cannot be stressed enough, but always keep an open mind and ears while in bed. This isn’t just aimed at pervy stuff, but general questions relating to your intimacy.
How you prefer to be kissed, which places you want to be touched that aren’t necessarily arousing, do you want a cuddle before or after – basically anything that you can think of that doesn’t involve genitals directly smashing into each other.
Keep calm. Men and women can attest to this but keeping a cool head while trying to work out where to put a hand, a pair of lips, or some lube isn’t exactly simple to do. That’s why having things all mapped out, and being comfortable enough with your own and your partner’s body is essential before going in balls deep. That doesn’t mean having to scientifically chart any body parts or anything, but knowing how stuff works and where is a good first step.
Positive reinforcement. Humans don’t like to be scolded and usually react well when complimented. It’s basic biology. This is why negative language should never be used. Try some encouragement, a good compliment, some physical touch, a moan here or there to let them know that what they’re doing is working nicely on you.
Never assume. No matter what you may think you have discussed or believe to be true, never try to impose your own assumptions onto your partner without their consent or approval. This is not the moment to attempt your Triple Spiderman Double Dicking – ask first, pleasure later.
It’s not porn. Watching porn together may be fun, but men and women both know that finding the g-spot is never that easy, nor does rubbing it vigorously lead to better sex all of a sudden. Porn is a fantasy, not a challenge. Keep it in the back of your mind for some extra tugging practice, but don’t think you can whip it out and take it in for hours on end.
Don’t be selfish. Many women know the trouble of having partners who cannot give them an orgasm simply because they are focused on their own dick. Sharing is caring – and will also lead to a long and prosperous relationship!
Robert Thomas is a sexologist, researcher, and writer who loves to explore and investigate everything that is related to bedroom action. He strives to improve couples’ sex life by challenging the advice given in research papers, books, magazines, and on the internet in general. Robert loves to write about sex exercises, as well as tips & tricks on how couples can introduce new sex toys to their relationship.