Quick links: Spotter | Safety | Toys & Techniques | The Fuel | The Scene | Aftercare | My Experience | FAQs | Next Steps
Key Takeaways
- Fireplay is an advanced and dangerous BDSM technique that will require a lot of study and practice. Full knowledge of it is beyond the scope of this article.
- Know how to fuel, wield, and safely extinguish your fireplay tools before using them on a human, and always keep extinguishing supplies and your aftercare kit handy.
- Make sure the fire contacts the skin only briefly, to keep from causing burns.
- Make certain that you know how to handle fire safely, and know how to extinguish it if it gets out of control.
- Only let a play partner that you fully trust, and whom you know knows what they are doing, perform fireplay on you.
Fireplay is the use of fire in BDSM and belongs among Risk Aware Consensual Kinks (RASK). It is a specialized kink that demands focus, practice, strong attention to safety, and absolute trust between play partners. Unlike most BDSM play, there is a lot of danger inherent in using fire as a sensory tool. The key is to keep that danger at bay while letting the awareness of it spice up your scenes.
Learning and adhering to fire safety rules is one of the most important parts of this kink. Fireplay is not just a matter of pulling out a flaming whip next time you’re getting intense in the bedroom. Not unless you want to set the room on fire in a very non-sexy way.
Semi-Public Affair
Fireplay is usually a semi-public affair. What do I mean? Fireplay generally involves a third person, sometimes called a spotter, who helps handle fire safety and any related emergencies.
The sensation of having fire used on you as a stimulus is a unique mix of very brief heat and a tickling sensation that quickly becomes a pain.
The key in fireplay is to make sure the fire contacts the skin only briefly, to keep from causing burns. That way, you can keep playing, or play again, without having to stop to treat injuries and wait for them to heal.
Getting Started With Fireplay: Safety First!
The standard gear for fireplay varies depending on your particular type of play, but the first thing you need to think of is how to keep that fire under control, and how to extinguish it if it starts spreading beyond your control.
What is universal is the need for safety gear, safety procedures, and a safe venue. You will need:
- A room with a non-flammable floor and walls such as tile or concrete
- A fire blanket or wet towel (or washcloth for small-scale play like cupping)
- A fire source that is not constantly burning
- A fire extinguisher (remember that these are single-use)
- Your fuel reservoir, whether it is a bowl with strong isopropyl alcohol, a canister of white gas, or similar
- An aftercare kit that includes first aid supplies for burns
- A spotter
- A phone to call for help if needed
Participants should wear natural materials or nothing, and avoid flammable makeup, moisturizers, hairspray, and the like.
It’s very important to make sure that your submissive isn’t afraid of fire and will not flail or panic when it is applied. Discuss everything with your play partner and spotter beforehand, make sure you’re practiced in using your fire toys and in fire safety, and make sure that everyone involved is sober.
Fireplay Toys and Techniques
Fleshing
One of the commonest forms of fireplay is known as fleshing. This technique involves applying fuel to the sub’s body, usually in a dripped or painted pattern, which is then quickly lit on fire and extinguished. Some people use flashpaper in the same way.
Body-Skimming
Body-skimming, a more controlled form of fleshing, uses a small torch or similar fire source to skim over the surface of the sub’s body, lingering just long enough to provide heat and a little pain without burning them.
Fire Toys
Fire toys come in a variety of shapes and sizes and each has its own techniques. A commoner one is the fire flogger, which is used like a standard flogger but is made of kevlar rope or tape, which soaks up fuel and burns it off without being damaged.
There are also fire whips, fire paddles, and fire sticks (usually paired for a technique known as fire drumming), among other goodies.
Fire Cupping
Fire cupping is a technique borrowed from a medical technique of the same name. It uses heavy glass cups and a little fire to create heat and suction on the submissive.
A very small fire is lit on the sub using a few drops of fuel on top of a penny or small tile. The fire is then extinguished by pressing the cup down over it. The oxygen quickly gets used up, creating a vacuum that leaves marks like large hickeys. It is generally done on muscular areas of the body.
“Cupping involves using glass cups placed on the skin under a vacuum, which sucks up the tissue, draws out toxins, and increases flow of qi and blood.”
by Rachel Lord; Elsevier Health Sciences, 2021
from Clinical Herbalism – E-Book: Plant Wisdom from East and West
Fuel Choices and Fuel Handling in BDSM Fire Play
The commonest fuels in fireplay are high percentage (usually 70%) isopropyl alcohol and camp fuel, also known as white gas. Denatured alcohol is also used, as is lighter fluid.
Remember that a third-degree burn can happen in roughly three seconds, which is why you extinguish it so quickly.
“Third-degree burns require skin grafts for healing to occur unless the area is small enough for closure by reepithelialization.”
by Nancymarie Phillips, Anita Hornacky; Elsevier Health Sciences, 2020
from Berry & Kohn’s Operating Room Technique – E-Book
Proper fuel handling is incredibly important whenever playing with fire.
- Keep the fuel far enough from your BDSM playspace that you can’t accidentally light your fuel source on fire.
- Clean up any drips or splatters immediately.
- Do not light toys, use open flames, or smoke above or close to your fuel source.
- Do not keep your fuel source near an open flame.
- Make sure that you only use enough fuel to wet the sub’s skin if doing fleshing.
- Make sure that your fire toy wicks are soaked with fuel, but not dripping wet. Otherwise burning droplets will go everywhere you don’t want them.
Setting The BDSM Fire Play Scene (Example)
A typical fire play may include the following items:
- Surgical scissors
- Steel bowl
- 2-4 inch gauze squares
- Bottle of 70% isopropyl alcohol
- Bowl of cool water + cloth dipped in it
- Candles
- Plain butane cigarette lighter
- First aid kit
- Fire extinguisher
The fire play ritual usually starts with taking the clothes off. Next, the Dominant partner pours the alcohol into a bowl in order to dip a gauze square in it. Then a tiny layer of alcohol over the hairless skin of their naked partner/partners. Finally, they light a fire, and WHOOSH – flaming magic.
At this point, the adrenaline shoots up to the highest level, and at the same moment, the Dominant partner places a wet cloth to cool the skin off. Even though the place is cooled off, the participants’ bodies are hot (and horny), waiting for the wildest sex ever.
Some people prefer a lighter version of the BDSM fire play, one where they are less exposed to danger. These couples enjoy the burning sensations from the melting candle, making them feel ready for the big match that follows!
BDSM Fire play Aftercare
Fireplay can cause big surges of adrenaline in a submissive, so be ready to reassure them and give them time to recover. Use baby wipes or a moist washcloth to clean the skin of all fuel.
Moisturize any undamaged skin that has had fuel on it. Treat and cover any burns. If a burn is bad enough to compromise the skin, they will need a visit to an urgent care center or their doctor.
Personal Experience With Fire play
Like a lot of other people who get into fireplay, I started by learning fire performance. The first time I wielded a flaming whip and flaming drumsticks, it was on a practice stage, not with a partner.
Through fire performance, I learned fire safety, the correct use of fuels, what to wear, and how to use my tools. I also learned the importance of a non-flammable setting and having a fire blanket and aftercare kit handy. By the time I realized that I have a fire kink, I already knew everything I had to for sourcing everything from fuel to fire blankets.
One of the commonest forms of fireplay involves briefly setting fuel or flash paper/flash cotton on fire while it is in contact with the skin.
The brief, intense flash of heat can be a huge turn-on for a submissive or switch. I learned that I have this particular kink, in both giving and receiving, when passing a flame close to my skin. Later I learned some additional methods, such as using a flaming flogger and cupping.
It’s a thrill, both to feel the heat and to wield the fire. The submissive is gaining a unique experience while literally putting their life in their Dominant’s hands.
The dominant gets to wield a huge amount of power, both in the element itself and over their submissive.
BDSM Fireplay FAQs
What does a fireplay aftercare kit look like?
Like your typical aftercare kit, a fireplay aftercare kit will contain some first aid supplies. Burn cream, colloidal bandages, baby wipes to remove fuel traces, sports drink(s) for rehydration, and your sub’s preference of over-the-counter painkillers are all useful additions.
What can I do to help ensure my submissive’s safety during fireplay?
Besides having fire safety equipment and an aftercare kit on hand, and making sure your venue is fire safe, you need to make sure you do two things.
- One, you must practice with your gear, including things like extinguishing fires, until you are skilled with it and know what to expect.
- Two, you need to have a serious conversation with your sub about tools, techniques, intensity, and risks and have a safeword in place.
Why is there an emphasis on wearing natural materials during fireplay?
The biggest reason for this is what happens when artificial fabrics, rubber, and vinyl heat up: they don’t just burn. They melt. If they are your clothing, they will melt into your skin and cause much worse burns.
What’s Next?
Do you like playing with fire? Turn it into a kinky way to thrill and give pain to a submissive partner by learning the tools, methods, and safety techniques of a successful fireplay session. Wield the most dangerous element to delight a partner, or help them learn how to wield it to delight you.
Learn and talk with your play partner about fireplay before you start to experiment. And, as always, with all BDSM activities, make sure you trust your partner and use a safeword.
Notes
This post was initially written and published in July 2022 by Sexologist Robert Thomas. In October 2022, Oliver K rewrote the article to improve its depth, accuracy, and truthfulness.
