Quick links: Key Takeaways | The “Why” | Makings of a good Hiding Spot | Before You Hide… | Discreet Hiding Spots | Common Hiding Spots | Out-of-the-Box Ideas | Dildo Disguise Ideas | FAQ
Having a sex toy is fun, but not when you’re constantly worried about where to hide it.
Knowing how to hide these pleasure toys properly gives you peace of mind after use. You don’t want to abandon your shopping cart at the grocery store just to rush home before someone discovers your dirty little secret chilling in your bathroom.
Embarrassing, right?
To avoid this, I’ll discuss how I hide my own sex toys, hoping you’ll learn new tricks along the way.
Key Takeaways
- Your dildo hiding spot should be private, safe, and accessible.
- Discreet hiding spots: shoes, tampon box, stuffed animal pouch.
- Common hiding spots: under your bed or pillow, table drawer, closet.
- Out-of-the-box spots: bookshelf & poster tube.
- Disguising dildo ideas: toilet roll, coat hook, sink plug.
Why Should You Hide a Dildo?
There’s nothing wrong with owning a dildo. In fact, a study conducted by Sextopedia experts between October 2021 and July 2022 found that at least 81 percent of the 2468 participants regretted not purchasing their dildos earlier.
But if having a dildo is such a good thing, why should you hide it then?
People hide sex toys for various reasons.
Keeping sex toys away from him helped me buy enough time — and gather enough courage — to talk to him about introducing these pleasure objects into our bedroom lives.
I knew I wasn’t alone in this struggle; another study involving 1000 participants revealed that 54 percent of women hide their sex toys from their partners.
According to the study, one of the reasons for hiding these toys was that most women felt too embarrassed about letting their partners know about their secret adventures with these artificial phalluses.
Read on to learn more.
What Makes a Good Dildo Hiding Spot?
Of course, you want a spot that actually keeps your dildo away from lustful, insecure, or judgmental eyes. That said, a good hiding spot for your phallus offers privacy and safety.
Just because your favorite hiding spot keeps the toy well hidden doesn’t necessarily mean it’s safe. In other words, privacy and safety don’t go hand in hand.
Then, once you have a good private and safe hiding spot, it’s time to consider other factors, such as accessibility. When you’re horny and ready to tear down your walls, the last thing you want is to run down a flight of stairs or red lights to fetch your dildo.
Rather, it should be easily accessible.
To sum up, the perfect hiding spot narrows down to three things: privacy, safety, and accessibility.
What to Consider Before Hiding Your Dildo?
Now that you’ve found a private, safe, and accessible hiding spot, you’ll need to ensure the sex toy is ready for storage.
The first thing you need to know is that there’s no formula for hiding a dildo. You just need to think of places YOU wouldn’t expect to find a dildo.
I’m not talking about your dishwasher or microwave (unless you’re serving dick for dinner) – you’ve got to think better than that.
Another thing you need to know is that safety comes first. Don’t prioritize privacy over safety when looking for a place to hide a dildo.
Discreet Dildo Hiding Spots
Don’t let your nosy kids or curious roommate make you get rid of your dildo; there are a million discreet ways to hide it. Here are some of my personal favorites:
In Shoes
I actually tried this trick several times in the past, and not once did anyone notice that my boots also doubled up as my phallus storage.
From my experience, this option works best if no one else in your household wears your shoes or the same size of shoes as you. This tactic worked for me because I lived with my boyfriend at the time and he had no business wearing my boots.
But it probably won’t work for you if you live with a female partner or kids who love trying on their mom’s shoes for absolutely no reason. While that’s cute, it can quickly turn into the most embarrassing moment of your life, depending on how things play out.
Tampon Box
If you’re a woman, you can also store the dildo inside a tampon box. You know how men dislike these sanitary products. They’ll likely avoid them like the plague, giving you peace of mind knowing that your little rocket won’t launch in your absence.
Stuffed Animal Pouch
Alternatively, consider storing the toy inside a stuffed animal pouch. Remember that one teddy bear that sits idly in bed? Time to have him do something more constructive than sitting there all day, looking cute.
Common Dildo Hiding Spots
Some dildo hiding spots are quite popular but not so discreet. I feel like these spots are too common; they risk losing their discreteness to curious souls in the household.
The same applies to using your pillow as a hiding spot for your dildo. It will soon be poking you or your partner’s face in the middle of the night, demanding some action.
Closets or drawers are also common hiding places for adult toys, but I don’t trust their discreteness. All it takes to expose your hidden secret is a nosy roommate, child, or partner.
Out-of-the-Box Dildo Hiding Ideas
Now let’s think out of the box, starting with your bookshelf. If you have a bookshelf at home, here’s all you need to do:
- Gather a list of books you don’t read and don’t mind destroying.
- Then, place them on a pile and drill a hole through the middle to match the length and girth of your dong.
- You may use glue to attach the books.
- When the glue dries and the covers are attached, cover the dildo in a lint-free towel, place it in the hole you created in the middle, and carefully place the now gigantic book back on the shelf.
Here’s another great idea: do you love hanging posters in your room? If so, use the poster tube as dildo storage next time you buy a poster.
That’s all I can think of for now. But don’t get me wrong; I’ve seen, read, and heard about crazy dildo storage ideas over the years. But some of these ideas aren’t safe at all.
The last thing I want is to recommend a storage idea that protects the dildo but doesn’t offer the same protection or even better for you.
So if you’re thinking of storing your little secret at the back of an old-school computer monitor (or any other equally ridiculous and dangerous location), that’s not a good idea.
How to Disguise Your Dildo?
Now here comes the fun part – the art of disguising a dildo.
There are many ways to disguise a dildo. However, I wouldn’t recommend most of these tricks because they’re not the best when it comes to protecting you from infections.
That said, it won’t hurt knowing about them, right?
Let’s begin with the toilet roll holder
To do this:
Mount a suction cup dildo on a wall near the toilet seat and then use it to hold a toilet paper roll. I personally love this idea, but only for creating an erotic-themed environment, but not actually fucking the phallus.
Although you may eventually fuck it after thoroughly cleaning it, I don’t think it’s worth the risk, especially given that it sits outside in the open for hours. The risk of exposure to germs and other airborne microorganisms is a no for me.
“If sex toys are used and not cleaned, pelvic infections can occur.”
by Lillian Sholtis Brunner, Suzanne C. O’Connell Smeltzer, et. al.; Wolters Kluwer Health/Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2010
from Brunner & Suddarth’s Textbook of Medical-surgical Nursing
Then there’s the coat hook option
Just like the toilet paper roll holder, you can use a suction cup dildo as a coat hook.
Sink Plug
And if you have that one suction cup dildo you no longer use (your pussy or anus probably outgrew it, or it didn’t turn out to be what you thought it was), then it’s not too late to use it as a sink plug.
Just make sure you don’t ever use it anywhere near your butt or vagina once you decide to convert it into a sink plug.
Do you have other silly ideas to disguise a dildo? Please feel free to share with us in the comment section below!
Hiding Dildo FAQs
How to Hide a Dildo From Your Parents?
To hide a dildo from your parents, think of places they don’t usually access, especially in your bedroom. Forget about obvious places, such as your bedside drawer.
Rather, think outside the box. For instance, now would be the perfect time to give your beloved teddy bear that minor surgery to make room for your little secret.
The possibilities are endless. I found this interesting thread on Reddit worth checking out.
Why Should I Hide My Dildo?
Firstly, one of the reasons people hide their dildos is to protect these toys from lustful eyes. You don’t want some random person exploring their wildest sexual fantasies with a toy that belongs to you and you alone (or your partner).
Secondly, safely hiding the dildo protects it from germs and other microorganisms that might cause infections.
Thirdly, depending on the nature of your relationship with your sexual partner, you may not want them to find out — just yet — that you’re using Mr. Donaldo, even though there’s nothing wrong with that.
You probably want to protect their feelings up to the point you feel confident enough to discuss this topic with them and how it could improve your sex life.
Where to Hide My Dildo?
There are so many different ways to hide a dildo. The perfect hiding spot will depend on the type, size, and material of the dildo.
Is There a Difference Where Men and Women Hide Dildos?
There are no restrictions on where men and women can hide their naughty little secrets.
And because my boyfriend hates cooking, I can also hide them in my Tupperware, and he’ll not find out about them even if his life depends on such a discovery.
Luckily, I don’t have to hide them from him because he knows how they’ve improved our sex life.
If you haven’t yet talked to your partner about using dildos to spice up your bedroom life, I encourage you to give it a try. For best results, start the conversation in the heat of the moment.
Ever heard of the joke about how men (and even women) don’t think straight when horny? So next time you’re on top, riding his dick, or dicking her down, you may want to bring this topic up. It works all the time.
What’s a Dildo Hider?
As the name suggests, a dildo hider is anything designed to hide a dildo. It could be something as simple as a bag or as complex as a sterilizing gadget.
Read More | How To Properly Store Sex Toys
