Brat in BDSM Explained | Misbehaving To The Dom

Quick links: Definition | What a Brat Isn’t | Control | How Brats Play | Reasons To Try | My Experience | Pros & Cons | FAQs

Hello, my friends. As always, I am excited to be back with you to share more about the world of BDSM.

Today we are going to delve into the world of brats. I am super excited to talk with you about brats as I can be a bit (or perhaps more than a bit) of one myself, so brats hold a special place in my heart.

Let’s jump right into this particular subset of submissive.

Key Takeaways

  • A brat is a type of submissive.
  • Brats are not as passive as many types of subs and generally put forth behaviors that challenge the Dom.
  • Brats are most commonly associated with Age Play although you can be a brat in a scene that doesn’t involve this component.
  • Not all Doms are willing to play with a brat.

What exactly is a brat?

We’ve all probably heard the term in BDSM circles, but it’s one thing you know or don’t. We all play best when we completely understand the terms, so let’s take a minute to understand what a brat is and how that changes the general scene between the Dom and the sub.

At our core, of course, every brat is a sub. What makes us unique is that a brat will put forth behaviors that don’t always conform to our base idea of what a sub should be.

I want to feel like I deserve the punishment my Dom sets forth. I know that sounds weird, but it’s accurate. Therefore, being brat appeals so much to me personally.

A brat will act out, disobey, and even fight back against the Dom.

Brats don’t want to control the scene. Similar to prey, a brat tends to put forth submissive behaviors. This isn’t because we wish to maintain control. We want a firm hand that will keep us in line.

“A submissive person is one who seeks out a partner to dominate them.”

by Margo DeMello; Greenwood Press, 2007
from Encyclopedia of Body Adornment

What A brat Isn’t

I think this is a really important area to address here. Of course, a good understanding of something should always include what it isn’t. Brats can create a gray area, especially when discussing someone with limited lifestyle knowledge.

A brat is not trying to top from the bottom. Brats want to submit. We just want our Dom to fight for dominance.

Controlling the Scene Vs. Control

There are 2 points I want to make clear here.

Controlling the scene and being in control are different things here. Being in control means that the sub, in this case, brat, can use the safe word when they feel the need and the scene stops.

When I talk about controlling the scene, I’m talking about making the Dom exercise a firm hand and mete out punishment for the behaviors the brat puts forth. This is the expected response. It is what the brat is seeking.

How brats Play

Some things about brats make our play a bit different from the average sub.

First, brats are almost always involved in age play. I know the concept of age play can be on the taboo or stigmatized side of BDSM, but it isn’t nearly as out there as many perceive it to be.

Almost everyone has at least touched on age play. Think about it, if you have ever called your partner Daddy or baby girl, that’s right on that edge. It changes the perspective a bit, doesn’t it?

Secondly, brats are not passive subs. We are going to cause mischief. Backtalk, refusing to comply, and fighting back are normal behaviors for a brat. Beyond that, we will push our Dom to force us to behave.

Brats are also very prone to pouting. We are a manipulative group. Not in the gaslighting, abusive way, to be clear. What I mean here is we will stick out that bottom lip and look up at our Dom with those big, sad eyes to see if we still get punished for our behavior even when we know we should.

Why Be a brat

It is as freeing as any other aspect of submission. Brats also have the added benefit of getting to push back against the Dom. And that can be a lot of fun. I believe it brings the scene to a different place than you find with a slave or even a traditional sub.

Think about how our behaviors change when we fight for something we want. We discover confidence we may not see in ourselves at the beginning of our journey. Being a brat is a playful way to seek out what we want from our Dom while still relinquishing control.

Being a Brat Personal Experiences

I have a bratty side as a sub. While I don’t always engage in age play, I frequently throw out some brat with my Dom. It creates a balance that I don’t find in more traditional sub settings.

Pushing my Dom to keep me in line is what I love. I always want to feel like I deserve my Dom’s punishment, but I still want to be punished.

While I love and respect brats, I don’t play with them. The issue comes from the fact that I find neither of us is quite as fulfilled in the experience when in Domme mode.

The compensating factors I use as a Domme do not work well with brats. As I have shared before, I am short, and while I’m not weak, I almost certainly will not be able to overpower someone who doesn’t allow me to do so.

Advantages of Being a brat

  • You get to fight back
  • Allows you to find your voice in a sub role
  • Creates a release from responsibility

Disadvantages of Being a brat

  • Can be exhausting
  • May limit play partners
  • Can lead to an increased chance of injury

What’s Next

Brat is a great place to start flexing the sub side because of the less passive nature of the role. It lets you get a taste of submission without feeling like you surrender all your out-of-the-scene attitude.

Still, take things slowly in any new situation and work with a partner with whom you communicate well so there are no misunderstandings. And, as always, with all BDSM activities, make sure you trust your partner and have a safe word!

Brat FAQs

Is being a brat always age play?

Not at all. You can explore being a brat even without an age play component. While it is less common, it is not impossible by any means. I encourage you to talk with your Dom up front since some will not work with a brat.

Are there specific behaviors brats must put forth?

Fortunately for us all, no. Some brat behaviors are more typical than others, but we are not talking about robots here. We find what works for us and use those throwing out what isn’t a good fit.

Why all the focus on communication?

It just makes sense. We need to know what to expect when we enter a scene regardless of whether we are Dom or sub. The best way to ensure things go smoothly is by starting with good open communication between those involved in the scene, so everyone is on the same page from the beginning.

Author

  • HarliQ is a long-time member of the BDSM community. She identifies as a switch who has spent time in both Dominant and submissive roles in a diverse array of different scenes. She has experience in a wide variety of kinks and fetishes. HarliQ enjoys sharing her passion for the BDSM lifestyle with others and providing education and information to those new or evolving in the community. She is pursuing her Master of Psychology with a focus on human sexuality. Her goal is to remove the stigma many people associate with BDSM activities and open this world to anyone interested in exploring their whole self.