39 BDSM Punishment Ideas For Your Bratty Sub

Quick links: Key Takeaways | Before Punishment | Humiliation | Restriction | Deprivation | Pain/Sensory | Work | Light | Aftercare | My Experience

Is your sub being naughty again? Did they disobey an order? Did they talk back? Did they break one of your standing rules? Well, then obviously a tough punishment is in order. Time to remind them that you’re in charge, and what kind of consequences they can expect if they ever forget it.

Isn’t it funny, though, how a lot of subs seem to have very short memories when it comes to how to avoid being punished? It gets to be a nuisance coming up with new ways to make them pay for their disobedience. But don’t worry, because this article has plenty of ideas for new and creative ways to provide consequences for their naughtiness.

This article is co-written by Sexologist Robert Thomas.

Key Takeaways

  • BDSM punishments for misbehaving submissives should be discussed ahead of time to determine what the submissive can handle, and if there’s anything on the list they would actually enjoy. The latter is so you can avoid threatening them with a good time.
  • The “sweet spot” for punishment is something that the submissive can tolerate but does not enjoy.
  • You will still need a safeword when punishing your submissive. Sometimes a particular punishment will turn out to be something the sub thought they could handle, but were wrong about. Other times there may be an accident or emergency.
  • Likewise, BDSM punishments will still need aftercare, and a first aid kit for emergencies depending on what the punishment is.

Before You Start…

As always, the first step in deciding which of these BDSM punishments to try is a chat with your submissive/switch partner. Some of these punishments may be a hard limit for them or may aggravate a health issue of theirs or trigger trauma.

The point of a punishment is to impose power and command submission, not to actually harm your sub.

Figure out which on the BDSM punishment list everyone’s okay with, and which ones you or your sub actually find a little exciting to discuss. Set up a safeword for emergency use, and make sure you have a kit handy to handle any emergencies and aftercare.

Read More | Safe Word That Works

Read More | BDSM Aftercare Ideas

With public-humiliation punishments, remember not to force your submissive to do anything that could get them in legal or other trouble. Public nudity, inappropriate clothing or behavior at work, wearing fetish gear around conservative neighbors or relatives, or similar just don’t fly as punishments because they have potential consequences that go way beyond humiliation.

Thus, it is okay to have your male sub secretly go to work wearing women’s underwear because it’s hidden.

Having him show up in a dress is not okay.

Going to the bank secretly wearing a butt plug or nipple clamps is all right. Going to the bank naked is not. And so on. Use your better judgment when coming up with punishments that have a public element.

Now, on to the fun part….let the punishments commence!

BDSM Humiliation Punishments

Humiliation punishments are chosen for their psychological impact on your sub.

They can be infantilizing, remove some of the sub’s independence, or involve a form of public humiliation. All are designed to give the sub a smack in the ego and enforce submission.

“BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadochism, and Masochism) community must ensure that their partners acknowledge the risk and still consent to the activity.”

from Anti-Fandom: Dislike and Hate in the Digital Age
by Melissa A. Click; NYU Press, 2019
  1. Schooling your sub: Force them to write the same sentence hundreds of times; give them a homework assignment such as an essay on how naughty and unworthy they are and how they’ve disobeyed you, smack their hand with a ruler or force them to stay indoors doing something tedious all day on a beautiful day.
  2. Risking exposure: Send them on errands or otherwise out-of-doors wearing a naughty and at least somewhat uncomfortable or risky secret under their clothes. Women’s underwear for men, no underwear for women, nipple clamps under their shirt and jacket, a plug or chastity device under their clothes, or a remote control vibrator with your finger on the switch. 
  3. I’ll make you watch: Tie up your sub or forbid them to move as you have sex with someone else, or masturbate to someone else. Bonus points if it’s someone who irritates your sub or whom they dislike. Punish them extra if they complain or look away.
  4. Be my pretty baby: Make your big, tough male sub dress up like a little girl or a French maid and wait on you or do chores. Give him an incredibly girly makeover and make him keep it on for a set amount of time. Make him mince around in high heels and a short skirt with a thong underneath. If he complains or rebels, feminize him even more. Make him your sissy.
  5. Removing adornments: If your female sub is particularly girly and enjoys feminine beauty rituals, strip them away from her. Take away her makeup. Take away her perfume. Make her use plain or “masculine” soap and shampoo. Take away hair products that aren’t for her hair’s health. Take her jewelry, and make her dress as plainly as possible.
  6. The bad kid BDSM punishment: Treat your sub like the brat they are. Take away privileges like video games or going to the movies. Give them time-outs in the corner. Send them to their room. Give them extra chores. Make them write apology letters. Stick them in a Get-Along Shirt with someone they can’t stand. Make them wear that awful sweater you got them. Spankings are not out of the question.
  7. The bad dog: Make them walk on all fours, possibly with pup play mittens on. Make them follow you around on a leash. Forbid them from speaking, or “muzzle” them with a gag. Make them do tricks for their meals. Make them eat and drink from a bowl on the floor, or off of the (clean) floor. Tie their leash somewhere in your house or private yard and make them stay there until you return.
  8. The filthy slave: Dress them in rags or soiled clothing, or strip them naked. Force them to crawl on the ground to get anywhere. If they are into being peed on, feel free to use them as a toilet and then make them wait to get cleaned up.

BDSM Restriction Punishment Ideas

These punishments restrict movement and behavior, humiliating the submissive by forcing them to cope with the sudden loss or reduction of ability. It may involve varying degrees of bondage, so make sure you know ahead of time how much your sub can take and how to handle any emergencies.

Read More | What Is a BDSM Contract?

Read More | Informed Consent in BDSM

  1. At the end of their rope: This is like the leashing punishment above, but the rope or chain is generally longer and they are allowed to walk around. However, they may not go anywhere beyond the limit that the rope allows, for as long as you decide. Whether this allows them access to a bathroom, fridge, or drinking water is also up to you — within reasonable limits, of course.
  2. Look, no hands: Use puppy play mitts or similar devices to prevent the free use of your sub’s fingers and thumbs for a set period. For something less extreme, manacle their hands with a more or less restrictive chain between them. For something even more extreme, tie or strap their arms together.
  3. The ball and chain punishment: Hobble your sub with restrictive clothing or straps, weighted or chained-together manacles, ankle tying, or other devices to restrict their movements. If they misbehave or don’t seem to be taking the punishment seriously, shorten the chain or add tighter straps.
  4. Speak when spoken to: Limit how, how much, and when your submissive can speak or make any noise with their mouths for a set period. Feel free to enforce this with the use of a gag. If they keep talking out of turn, in goes the gag until they learn their lesson.
  5. Routine limits: Restrict mundane aspects of their life that they are normally in control of. Get them up early. Send them to bed early. Wake them up at an unusual hour. Lock the refrigerator so they have to ask you for food. Take their car keys except for necessary trips like work. Sharply limit their recreation time.
  6. Eyes on the road: Limit what they can look at at one time by forcing them to wear blinders or other devices that block peripheral vision. Limit their use of their vision by making them wear a blindfold during certain times, such as when eating or trying to enjoy a movie.

BDSM Deprivation Punishment Ideas

Instead of limiting something that your submissive normally takes for granted, remove it altogether. Let them spend a set amount of time going without, whether what they’re missing is a sense, an ability, or sexual release.

“The BDSM community promotes the consensual nature of BDSM activity. Members of the community use the motto “safe, sane, and consensual” as a guideline.”

from Sex and Society
by Marshall Cavendish Corporation; Cavendish Square, 2010
  1. The long tease: Tie your sub down or otherwise restrain their hands so that they can’t pleasure themselves or escape. Then stimulate them to the edge of orgasm and leave them there. Force them to cool down without a climax, then come back and do it again. Repeat according to the severity of the misbehavior, and how much your sub can take.
  2. Flying blind: Force your submissive to go without one of their senses for an extended period. The easiest and commonest way to do that is with a blindfold or hood. Noise-canceling headphones, nasal plugs, a completely bland diet paired with only water, or thick gloves and full-coverage clothing can all be incorporated into the punishment. An alternative is to shut them into a completely dark, soundproofed room for a period.
  3. Empty pockets punishment: With the exception of necessities, which optimally you should handle during this period, remove the submissive’s access to money. Take their wallet and checkbook, make them delete any banking or purchasing apps on their phone, and take any cash that they have.
  4. Enforced Chastity: Besides simply refusing them any kind of sex or affection, you can discipline your submissive by putting them in gear designed to prevent self-stimulation. Chastity cages and shields, devices to restrain their hands, and locking underwear can all come into play here.
  5. No clothes for you: Force your submissive to stay at home and away from windows and the door by taking away their clothing and locking or emptying their drawers and closet. Remove an important layer of privacy while making them depend on you for anything they need from outside the home.

Pain/Sensory Punishment Ideas in BDSM

These are the classic types of punishments that most people think of when they’re deciding on how to discipline their submissive. It can involve everything from long-term discomfort to good flogging.

“The pain produced by BDSM practices (e.g., abrasion, ice, hot wax, the use of nipple clamps, etc.) is itself a useful tool in creating shifts in consciousness.”

from Sexualities and Communication in Everyday Life: A Reader
by Karen E. Lovaas, Mercilee M. Jenkins; SAGE Publications, 2007
  1. The penitent punishment: Have your submissive dress in clothing designed to be uncomfortable as well as plain or ugly. Burlap or some other rough, uncomfortable fabric is perfect. You can also use a cilice, which is used by Catholic penitents to cause constant discomfort. As an added bit of humiliation, make them crawl and bow as they approach you.
  2. Shock treatment: Apply a light shock at random throughout the day using one of your electrosex toys–just enough to tease those who like electro play, and enough to unnerve those who don’t. For added unpredictability and a sense of helplessness, pick up one of the remote control shock collars that are designed for humans.
  3. Spanky time: Have your submissive strip down and take a turn over your knee so you can give their ass a good smacking. Use your hand, a paddle, or a belt until their cheeks are thoroughly warmed, red, bruised, or welted. Make them apologize the whole time you’re administering discipline.
  4. The beatings will continue: Grab a type of flogger, whip, paddle, or another toy that your submissive can endure, but doesn’t particularly like. If they enjoy thud, use a cane. If they enjoy sting, use the thuddiest flogger you can find. If they complain, squirm, or try to get away, extend the punishment (within reason). Now and then, pause and check to see if they’re properly sorry yet. If not, keep going.
  5. Overstuffed punishment: Use an insertable sex toy that is slightly larger than they are used to and have them wear it for an extended period. Butt plugs, especially the inflatable kind, are perfect for this. Make sure they’re not actually harmed, but force them to manage around that naggingly persistent discomfort until you’re satisfied they’ve learned their lesson. If they don’t seem to take this punishment seriously again, size up, or add to their discomfort by soaking the plug/dildo in ice water and then reinserting it.
  6. That’s cold, man: If your submissive dislikes ice play, make them go through it anyway. Use partly melted ice cubes so they won’t stick to the skin, and chill their sensitive parts until they’re shivering all over. If they rebel or don’t seem uncomfortable enough, insert a few cubes into their anus or vagina, or immerse their genitals in an ice bath.

Work Punishment Ideas

Sentence your sub to some hard, degrading labor for your benefit, or just for their detriment. Make sure to make completing the work as arduous and inconvenient as possible. Bonus if you put them in costume: a maid’s outfit, Cinderella or slave rags, etc.

  1. The toothbrush treatment: Make your sub clean your bathroom, kitchen floor or other tiled room using a very small brush, such as a toothbrush. Let them have normal cleaning materials, but make sure the actual brush they use for scrubbing is tiny, requiring a lot more time and effort.
  2. The footbath punishment: Make your submissive wash your feet with their tongue. Make sure they’re on their knees as they work, and keep a physical form of discipline, such as a flogger, handy in case they tickle, balk, or do a bad job.
  3. Beast of burden: Go shopping, or engage in another activity that involves a lot of carrying things around. Now load down your submissive with everything. Make them fetch and carry, make them hold your bags, make them cart rocks around in your garden. If they want your approval back, make them sweat for it.
  4. The secretary: Offload every bit of work that you can think of to your submissive. Make sure that you are petty and domineering about it. Make them fetch your coffee, bring in the mail, sort paperwork, do figures, plan events, run errands…be creative. The more annoyingly menial and tedious the task, the better. Bonus if you make your sub adhere to a special dress code during “work hours”.

Light Punishments in BDSM

Light punishments in BDSM are meant for less severe misbehavior which still deserves the sub being brought into line. Use them when you want to make a point without being too harsh about it. Of course, if your submissive doesn’t take these punishments seriously, escalate to something tougher.

  1. No toys for you: This can refer to sex toys and fetish gear, or any other non-necessity that your submissive really enjoys. Take their vibrator away. Take their game console away. Severely limit their time online. If they don’t take the punishment seriously, extend the time that they go without.
  2. Bed without supper: If your submissive doesn’t have food or metabolic issues that would make this triggering or dangerous, send them to their room without at least one meal. If that would be unworkable or harmful for them, switch their diet to a bland food diet (see under Flying blind above) with no sweets, booze, or favorites allowed.
  3. Selfies: Enjoy a photoshoot with your sub in embarrassing situations. Draw a dick on their face. Put them in a dunce cap. Dress them up like Pee Wee Herman on a bad night. Put them in silly poses. Of course, you won’t be posting these online…but the threat of sending them privately to a (trustworthy!) person they don’t want to see them that way is an effective escalation.
  4. Mr. Squeaky calling: Record them, or put them on the phone with someone they don’t want laughing at them while making them use a particularly ridiculous-sounding voice changer. Force them to act like things are entirely normal the whole time. (You should probably explain/excuse the situation to whoever gets called to avoid problems later. For example, tell them that your sub lost a dare or a bet).
  5. Bunny suit: Put your submissive in a ridiculous, but legal and harmless, costume, in something inappropriate like a scuba suit, in something ludicrous like a bathrobe, feather boa and flippers, or dressed (and acting!) like a fictional character they can’t stand. Now make them run errands like that. Go with them in case things go wrong, but only rescue them in emergencies or with the use of a safeword.
  6. Gotta crawl before you can walk: Time to send them back to babyhood by making them crawl everywhere. If you want to make this worse, put them in adult footie pajamas or (if they aren’t into them) a diaper. Don’t make them do this in public; do make them do this all the time while home or in your yard, even when they’re eating or doing chores.
  7. Not without permission you don’t: Make your submissive ask permission for even the most basic necessities, like a prisoner–or a child. Bathroom breaks, food, water, entertainment, sleep…and make sure you make them ask multiple times until they’re uncomfortable or frustrated.
  8. The hot seat punishment: Make them sit for a while, naked, on a chair you’ve prepared just for them. Maybe it’s hard wood with sandpaper on it. Maybe there’s a single tack or lots of tacks. Maybe there are pebbles, crumpled tin foil, several non-flush nail heads, or something else uncomfortable (but not dangerous). Maybe it has a turned-up heating pad on a hot day. Maybe pour part-melted ice cubes into their lap once they sit. Use your imagination.
  9. Drop and give me fifty: Make your submissive do an exercise they despise, like pushups or sit-ups, in the nude. Make them do enough to be uncomfortable, according to their fitness level. If they flag or complain, give them a smack on the ass, a jolt of electricity, or a similar incentive to get them moving again.
  10. And another thing: Give your submissive a good harsh lecture about their disobedience. Be degrading. Be cruel. But be specific: keep the topic about their misbehavior and their naughtiness. Make sure they apologize profusely if they don’t want things to escalate.

BDSM Punishments Aftercare

Aftercare for punishments depends on what they were and what kind of shape you want your submissive in. A shower, an electrolyte drink, a blanket, some cuddles, chocolate, a nap, or an ice pack are all possibilities.

Talking them down while remaining in authority can help; for example, letting them know you just hated putting them through that, that you care for them, and that you know they can do better can be very useful in wrapping up the scene.

A discussion afterward can help you figure out if that punishment is one to keep in your bag of disciplinary tricks, or if the punishment was too much, or too little, for your submissive. You can read more about aftercare ideas here.

Personal Experiences With BDSM Punishments

I was at one point Dominant to a very bratty submissive, who started getting more bratty once I started punishing her. We weren’t serious lifestyle D/s enthusiasts, but we did have an arrangement where if she violated certain boundaries or rules, she would get a spanking. Over my knee, bare butt, until her cheeks were warm and red.

My rules were things like “don’t move my car keys” because I tend to lose track of things easily if they’re moved unexpectedly, and “don’t use my computer without permission” because I use the computer for work and need to protect my clients’ privacy.

I was actually surprised when, after installing spanking as her go-to punishment, she kept “forgetting” and moving–or straight up hiding–my car keys. 

I thus became one of those Dominants who learned the hard way that you don’t want to make a punishment out of something your submissive really enjoys. My sub had never mentioned liking to be spanked, and may not have known until her first “punishment”.

Turns out, she loved it. She was deliberately breaking one of the few standing rules I had for her, to get more spankings.

I changed her punishments to a grab bag of ideas, the best of which made it onto this list. Spanking wasn’t one of them anymore, leaving her disappointed but much more obedient.

Final Words

Just remember: punishments are distinct from playtime. They are not supposed to be fun for the submissive, but should instead be at least a little uncomfortable and extra humiliating for them.

Just because you should consider how much your sub can take before trying a punishment doesn’t mean you want them being naughty every five minutes to try and get more.

As with all BDSM activities, have fun, be safe, get consent, and make sure that you can trust your play partner, and that they can trust you.

Authors

  • Oliver K

    Mastubators, sex dolls, fleshlights, onaholes, blowjob machines, etc.. epic sex toys to put your dick in. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. Hi/hello, I am Oliver and you can think of me as an experienced sex toy tester. Why? Been part of Sextopedia’s team for 2 years now – tested over 100 dick stimulators, so I know what I am talking about. I am not a conservative thinker and I am not afraid to speak my mind. My reviews will always be right to the point and voice my personal experience. To spice up my sex life, I also joined the BDSM community back in 2019.

  • Robert Thomas

    Robert Thomas is a sexologist, researcher, and writer who loves to explore and investigate everything that is related to bedroom action. He strives to improve couples' sex life by challenging the advice given in research papers, books, magazines, and on the internet in general. Robert loves to write about sex, BDSM, as well as tips & tricks on how couples can introduce new sex toys to their relationship. He has been proudly featured in Healthline, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, Self, AskMen, MelMagazine, Kinkly, Jack&Jill Adult, and in many other publications. Learn more. LinkedIn

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