Quick links: Techniques | Warm-Up | Safety & Aftercare | Tips for Doms | My Experience | Key Takeaways | FAQs | Next Steps
Erotic spanking is one of the simplest, most basic, easiest to learn, and most low-prep forms of impact play in all of BDSM. It is also one of the most popular. It consists of striking the bare or lightly-clad buttocks with the open hand, focusing on the nicely padded bits. It is used both by itself and as a “warm up” for tool-based play such as caning or flogging.
The sensation of a good spanking could be described as a mix of sting and thud, with the proportions depending on how hard the Dominant spanks and how long the spanking goes on. As blood rises to the surface of the skin in response to the spanking, the submissive will begin to feel heat and lingering, stinging pain, a bit like a sunburn. Depending on how long the Dominant persists, you could remain sore like that for over a day.
“Erotic spanking can be seen as a variety of bondage/ domination and sadomasochism.”
from Extreme Deviance
by Erich Goode, D. Angus Vail; SAGE Publications, 2008
It is relatively easy for a Dominant to determine how hard they are hitting their submissive because they are using their sensitive palm, which will also sting in response to particularly hard blows.
Of course, for inexperienced Dominants, this cuts both ways, since a sore bum will also mean a sore hand. Fortunately, there are ways to mitigate this without losing the sensitivity that makes spanking a good starter for impact play.
You need almost no preparation and very little in the way of materials, there is very little risk of significant injury, and aftercare and clean-up are easy as well.
Proper BDSM Spanking Technique
Because very little in the way of paraphernalia, if any, is involved in a spanking session, the quality of that session comes down to technique and experience. Using proper punishing techniques also makes injuries unlikely.
Here are the basic things to keep in mind when spanking someone:
- Prepare first: This one’s easy: have your submissive go to the bathroom first so that stimulating the area doesn’t bring on any inconvenient urges.
- Fingers together: When spanking someone, use the flat of your hand with your fingers and thumb together. You are much less likely to hurt your hand this way.
- Aim for the padding: Aim for the plump undersides of the buttocks, where there is enough muscle to take fairly hard blows and enough fat to pad your hand. The tailbone, hip bones, anus, and lower back are off-limits. Striking something delicate could injure your submissive; striking over the bone could hurt either of you.
- Throw underhand: Ideally, Dominants should spank upward relative to their submissive’s body, aiming for the undersides of the buttocks, where the padding is thickest but the skin is still quite sensitive.
- Vary your target: Don’t keep hitting the same spots over and over, but instead, try to give the whole of each lower cheek a good smacking. If you keep hitting the same spot, you will bruise your partner.
- Work your way up: Especially when trying spanking for the first time, or introducing it to a new play partner, you will want to find their “sweet spot” as far as the force of the blows by working up to it. Start with hard pats, then very slowly increase the force until your submissive asks you not to go harder. Many submissives enjoy enough force to leave your own hand stinging, but make sure before going that hard.
- Give a rubdown: Once you find the right amount of power to put behind your blows, gently rub the area in a spiral motion to further reduce the chance of bruising.
Spanking as a Warm-Up
Plenty of people enjoy spanking all on its own. However, other people enjoy spanking as a warm-up for other forms of impact or sensation play.
“BDSM sexuality employs an admixture of pain and pleasure, sensory overload and sensory deprivation, denial and indulgence.”
from Sexualities and Communication in Everyday Life: A Reader
by Karen E. Lovaas, Mercilee M. Jenkins; SAGE Publications, 2007
The hot soreness from the spanking can actually increase pain tolerance for a subsequent caning, flogging, or whipping. It also creates a contrast that makes ice play more effective and adds new sensations to any form of anal play.
Spanking Safety and Aftercare
When you use the proper technique, a spanking session is very safe. However, accidents happen, and eventually, both your submissive’s bottom and your hand are going to get sore even if they don’t.
Technically you will both need aftercare, but dealing with a sore hand is a far cry from being unable to sit down for a day. For one thing, a sore hand isn’t an intended outcome. Nor is it a turn-on, or a dirty little secret you have to hide in mundane life for a while.
A first aid kit, a cold compress, a phone in reach, and an aftercare kit are all helpful things to have handy in case of trouble. Chances are, however, that the only pain involved will be deliberately inflicted, and easily dealt with.
Read More | Aftercare Tips
As long as the skin is unbroken, a sensual rubdown of your submissive’s fresh-baked buns with a healing lotion such as baby lotion, vitamin e or aloe vera containing skin cream, or (in the case of bruising or a very sore hand), a skin cream containing arnica. Use the same hand you did the spanking with, as you could probably use a bit of that cream yourself.
Do not take arnica internally. Apply it topically to your hand, bottom, and any bruises on unbroken skin only. It does a great job helping to heal bruises, but it can cause organ damage if enough is taken internally.
A Note for Dominants
You may consider a sore hand to be a small price to pay to leave your submissive in ecstasy, but there are ways to protect yourself. A set of leather or kid gloves can protect your hand, while only sacrificing a portion of your sensitivity.
You can also build muscle and callus on your hands with activities like weight lifting, boxing, chopping wood, or certain martial arts training techniques.
Personal Experiences With Spanking
Spanking is one of my go-to’s for impact play because it is simple, easy, requires no toys or tools, and is considered hot by a broad swath of people. It can be difficult or awkward to bring BDSM goodies to some venues, such as when you are flying out on a vacation, but the “tool” for a good spanking session is always with me.
I have been on the receiving end of some spankings, but, perhaps because I don’t have much padding back there, I mostly prefer to be the one dishing it out.
My submissives receive their spankings across my knee, face-down on a bed or bench, or while stretched out on a rack or similar device. A few have needed to be tied, as they get wiggly when smacked.
After a good spanking session, my submissive’s buns are nicely pink or even red and heated, ready for follow-up play such as ice play or a caning. I have my technique down, but my hand still gets a bit sore during enthusiastic enough play. I consider that small inconvenience to be well worth it.
Key Takeaways
- Spanking is using the bare or gloved hand to strike the bare or underwear-clad bottom of your submissive, aiming for the fleshy bottoms of the buttocks.
- Spanking does not require any paraphernalia, though it is sometimes used to prepare the submissive for a part of the scene that uses it, such as spanking before a caning.
- Proper technique includes keeping your fingers together when you strike and aiming for the most well-padded parts of your partner’s buns.
- BDSM spanking aftercare is relatively simple, often only requiring applying a good soothing lotion, and recovery generally only takes a day or two.
BDSM Spanking FAQs
Why is spanking so popular with beginners?
Spanking is popular with beginners because it requires no additional tools, it is relatively non-damaging, and you can easily moderate your blows according to your submissive’s needs because you can feel everything with your striking hand. It is also difficult for the Dominant to overdo a spanking, as their hand will hurt as well.
Do people mix spanking with other forms of discipline?
Spanking can fit into almost any scene, especially those where the submissive is bratty. In addition, some Dominants use spanking to “warm up” the bottom and increase pain tolerance prior to a caning, whipping, or flogging of the buttocks.
What is the proper way to strike someone when spanking?
You will want to smack them on the cheeks of their bare bottom, avoiding the hips, anus, and tailbone. Keep your fingers and thumb together as if you’re wearing a sock over your hand. Strike upwards relative to your submissive’s body, aiming for the undersides of each cheek.
What’s Next?
Get back to basics with one of the most popular, low-prep, easy-to-learn methods for baking your submissive’s buns: a good old-fashioned spanking. Or be the one who gets a hot reminder of your session every time you sit down for hours to days afterward.
Have a discussion with your play partner about spanking before experimenting with this technique. And, as always with all BDSM activities, make sure that your partner trusts you and is trustworthy, and always use a safe word.
