Quick links: Definition | What It Isn’t | Why Use | My Experience | Pros & Cons | Next Steps | FAQs
Welcome, my kinky friends.
Today we are getting into the details of what a BDSM contract is and why it can be so important.
Key Takeaways
- BDSM contracts are written and signed agreements between all the participants in a scene.
- The contract helps ensure informed consent between all parties involved by clarifying aspects of play.
- These are not legally binding contracts and do not revoke the ability to use safe words.
What is a BDSM Contract?
The idea of a contract can seem more than a little frightening. We generally think of lawyers, legalities, and the repercussions of such an agreement being broken. That’s not exactly what we are talking about when we say a contract in BDSM.
A BDSM contract is a written and signed agreement between two or more parties outlining the types of activities that will be engaged in and the finer details of the scene. They are used to help ensure both informed consent and safety for those involved.
“The BDSM community actively promotes safety and emphasizes the consensual nature of BDSM activity.”
by Marshall Cavendish Corporation; Cavendish Square, 2010
from Sex and Society
These contracts don’t have to be complicated. Some people use them for nothing more than establishing the titles that will be used, such as Master or Lady, and the safe word for the scene. Other contracts spell out every aspect of the plan for the scene.
Remember that creating a contract is a negotiation in this realm just as much as in any other. If you find the terms unacceptable, speak up, and don’t sign it.
There is no right or wrong contract format. As with most things BDSM related, the right way is what works for you and your partner.
What a BDSM Contract Isn’t
We may use the term contract, but these are not the legally binding agreements you generally think of when you hear the term. Can you imagine going before a judge and trying to get compensation because you weren’t spanked on Tuesday? Yeah, neither can the rest of us.
BDSM contracts are not something that necessarily lasts for more than a single play date. While some of us use long-term contracts, especially in relationships, that is never a requirement.
This is also not used to force another person into doing something they don’t want to do. Even with a contract, safe words must be respected! You have the right to end a scene at any time, no matter what is in writing.
BDSM Scene Explained | Read More
Why Use BDSM Contracts
There are plenty of solid reasons to use BDSM contracts. They are meant to be freeing, not restricting. Don’t forget that these contracts promote safety and informed consent.
The goal of a BDSM contract is to create explicit, informed consent. It helps set the expectations of the encounter.
Making sure things are clearly stated from the beginning helps keep everyone safe. If the contract talks about a 3rd or even more people, and you aren’t comfortable with this, you can discuss it with your partner.
These BDSM contracts create communication and set forth guidelines to reduce ambiguity.
Personal Experiences With BDSM Contracts
I have worked many times with BDSM contracts. While they are an excellent tool for everyone, they are essential with new play partners. They hold the same value for both my Dom and sub sides.
The contract lets us clarify what terms and language are acceptable. Nothing ruins a good time quite as fast as using a word that sends your partner into an unwanted emotional state.
Contracts also allow us to fine-tune the ideas of what props and equipment we will use and how we plan to use them. We can decide how far we plan to take a scene up front, so no one is overwhelmed.
Most importantly, contracts allow us to be clear on the safe word. A safe word that has been forgotten has absolutely 0 value.
Advantages & Disadvantages
Advantages of BDSM Contracts
- Let everyone involved know what to expect from the scene
- Clarify limits, safe words, and other important components
- Create a safe space to discuss terms before the scene begins
Disadvantages of BDSM Contracts
- Can be time-consuming to establish, especially with new partners
- The term contract can be misinterpreted into something it isn’t
- May place limits on a scene that was unintended
What’s Next
The idea of creating your first BDSM contract can seem overwhelming. Fortunately, there are several sites online where you can get a contract template. Yes, I do mean these types of contracts specifically.
There are excellent guides for creating a contract that is as complex or simple as your needs require. I tend to lean towards a simpler version of one-and-done than actual relationships, but others think the opposite is necessary. Again, it’s always about what works for you.
And, as always, with all BDSM activities, make sure you trust your partner and have a safe word!
BDSM Contract FAQs
Can someone sign away their right to use a safe word?
This question often seems to come from a particular book that shall remain unnamed. The answer here is a resounding no.
BDSM is supposed to be fun, safe, and sane. Disrespecting a safe word does not accomplish any of these things.
Are there things that should always be included in the contract?
The two required components for all contracts are the safe word and the hard limits. I know some disagree. I respect that, but if nothing else gets written and agreed upon, these are the key components.
How long should a contract last?
For some, a contract lasts as long as a scene; for others, it is a lifelong guide. In either situation, the contract can be renegotiated if needed.
Remember, the main goal here is to help create a safe environment and improve communication. If you find that something doesn’t work for you, speak up.
