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Orgasm denial is an exercise in frustration. It is the BDSM practice of controlling when, where and under what circumstances a submissive can climax, including denying climax altogether. This is most commonly practiced on men, although some female submissives enjoy it as well.
Orgasm denial goes well beyond edging–the practice of prolonging stimulation in order to enjoy a more intense orgasm. Instead, orgasm denial’s primary goal is to exert a very specific form of control, whether over oneself or over one’s submissive.
Orgasm denial seems like a simple thing, but the results can be very intense while doing no physical harm to the submissive.
This practice comes in a variety of forms, from extremely delayed or controlled orgasm to stimulation that ultimately denies orgasm, to the restriction of sexual stimulation altogether.
It can be done solo, usually as a form of self-discipline, solo masochism, or to improve staying power. However, orgasm denial generally involves two or more people.
Key Takeaways
- Orgasm denial in BDSM involves the submissive, who is often male, giving up control of when he gets to orgasm to his partner, who may choose to draw things out until he begs, or deny his climax altogether.
- Orgasm denial differs from edging in that the end goal is not a more intense orgasm, but submission to the Dominant partner to the point where they decide whether the submissive gets to cum at all.
- This BDSM kink can be played out in many different ways, from teasing the sub to the point of orgasm to making it part of a roleplayed scene, such as an interrogation. Ordering the submissive not to masturbate in between scenes, suddenly stopping all stimulation prior to orgasm, and mixing in other kinks such as cock and ball torture are all common practices.
- Orgasm denial also comes with some unexpected benefits for the submissive, over and above the experience itself.
“You Cum When I Say You Can Cum”
In an orgasm denial scenario, the Dominant becomes the arbiter of when her partner gets to climax, if at all. This can take a lot of forms, but it in essence makes them what some in BDSM call “the keyholder”.
Without physical pain, without overt humiliation, they can humble and control their partner, and make him suffer if they want, by forcing him to hold out well beyond his normal limits of endurance.
Orgasm Denial Techniques and Goals
When starting out in orgasm denial, a long talk between the Dominant and submissive is the absolute first step. It is important to determine what type and degree of orgasm denial you will be pursuing, and what your goals are.
- Does your sub want to experience the frustration of a denied orgasm after a lot of stimulation?
- Does he need to be restrained to keep from climaxing?
- Will he be permitted to climax under certain circumstances, or not at all?
The Big Tease Technique
One of the most common forms of orgasm denial.
This involves stimulating the submissive up close to the point of orgasm without sending him over the edge. Done right, this will leave him in a mix of near-ecstasy combined with frustration, and may just leave him begging.
The Tie and Tease Technique
Some submissives are brattier than others and need to be tied down to ensure their climax remains in the Dominant’s strict control. Other submissives simply enjoy the extra feeling of helplessness. Meanwhile, their Dominant slowly brings them up close to orgasm as many times and/or as long as possible without letting them go over the edge.
The Conditional Climax Technique
In this scenario, the submissive may only orgasm when the Dominant gives permission.
This may take the form of only being allowed to climax when a certain keyword is said, when the Dominant gives the okay, at a certain time of day, under certain circumstances, after a certain time period, or after the submissive accomplishes something, such as giving the Dominant an orgasm.
The Strap Treatment Technique
This tease can be especially cruel, or especially helpful.
In it, a male submissive uses a strapon on his Dominant instead of his penis, which may go completely untouched during the scene.
The idea here is for the submissive to stimulate his Dominant and allow them to experience sex and intimacy while frustrating his own desires.
This method supplies all the stimulation of sex without any penile stimulation at all, completely flipping the script on a vanilla sexual scenario.
Temporary Full Chastity Technique
Temporary full chastity puts the submissive in a situation where he will not experience any sexual stimulation at all, especially involving his penis.
The Dominant will generally forbid any masturbation or sexual stimulation outside of their scenes, at which point they will decide whether the submissive finally gets a release.
Often, this is enforced using a removable chastity device, such as a penis cage, which may be locked, with the Dominant having the only key.
Temporary full chastity is generally used to not only enforce this type of submission but also to build up tension, making the eventual release that much more intense and enjoyable.
Prolonged Full Chastity Technique
This is the most extreme form of orgasm denial, as it basically places the submissive in a permanent or semi-permanent state where he is forbidden or prevented from having any form of sexual stimulation, or possibly even getting an erection.
Chastity is generally enforced through hardware, such as a chastity piercing, locked cage, or combination that prevents sex or certain types of stimulation.
Orgasm Denial Safety and Aftercare
If used without any kind of chastity-enforcement or similar devices, an orgasm denial scenario generally requires little physical aftercare, aside from possibly an orgasm for a well-behaved sub. The submissive may still need emotional aftercare, as a denial scenario can still be very intense for them.
Read More | Aftercare Explained
If you do use a chastity-enforcement device, it will need to be removed at least once weekly for cleaning purposes and to check for irritation or other issues.
Work up to wearing the device for longer periods, checking for issues such as fit, irritation, discomfort, or difficulty urinating as you go. Permanent piercings do not need to be removed, but should still be kept clean and checked regularly for issues.
You will still need a safeword. This is generally used to end the BDSM activity scene when teasing becomes too much. Whether the submissive gets an orgasm finally once the safeword is spoken is up to the play partners.
“A mantra constantly chanted within the BDSM community is “safe, sane, and consensual.”
by Karen E. Lovaas, Mercilee M. Jenkins; SAGE Publications, 2007
from Sexualities and Communication in Everyday Life: A Reader
Personal Experiences With Orgasm Denial
I have always been more of a Dominant than a submissive, but depending on the circumstances, I’ll definitely go the other way for the right experience. One such experience was a prolonged tie-and-tease scenario I was treated to by my switch lover a few years back.
After instructing me not to masturbate for three days, she proceeded to tie me to a table and spend the next hour and a half stimulating everything but my cock.
By the time she ended the scene I was sweating, shaking and hypersensitive. The combination of helplessness, humiliation, and sexual frustration was an incredible turn-on that left me keyed up and preoccupied for hours afterward.
When she finally gave permission for orgasm much later that night, the sensations were so intense that I woke up our neighbors. Definitely, something I would try again, though not too often.
BDSM Orgasm Denial FAQs
What is the difference between orgasm denial and edging?
Edging could be considered a form of orgasm denial, but in reality, it differs in that in orgasm denial, the scene may not include the sub’s orgasm. Edging’s goal is to create a more intense orgasm by holding off as long as possible. Orgasm denial either places your ability to orgasm in your play partner’s hands or denies it altogether.
How does orgasm denial fit in with other BDSM practices?
Orgasm denial is considered one of the most intense forms of dominance and submission that may not involve any pain or restraint at all. Controlling a submissive’s orgasm, whether through teasing, caging, or other forms of play asserts a huge amount of control over them and can be very humiliating.
Are there benefits to orgasm denial?
Besides deepening your dominance of or submission to your play partner, orgasm denial can help the submissive learn to last longer in bed. In addition, subs who experience orgasm denial often report that their next orgasm after the scene is more intense.
What’s Next?
Get ready to have your endurance pushed to its limit in the most intense form of submission you can experience without pain. Or tease and tantalize your partner until they are begging for release. Take control of your partner’s climax, to grant or deny at your whim, or give up that control completely.
Learn and talk with your play partner about orgasm denial before you start to experiment. And, as always, with all BDSM activities, make sure you trust your partner and use a safeword.
