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Using a dildo seems like the most self-explanatory thing ever, but in reality, it’s not. From our experience, how you use a dildo will determine whether or not you’ll enjoy it.
I’ve used these toys long enough to know what works and what doesn’t. That’s exactly why I’m writing this - to help you, as a beginner, learn as much as you can about using dildos the RIGHT way.
But first things first…
This article is co-written by Sexologist Robert Thomas.
What Does Using a Dildo Feel Like?
“Most dildos feel like an actual penis, and sometimes even better. However, this also depends on the type of dildo materials you choose.”
For example, a wooden phallus doesn’t usually feel like a penis, although it’s shaped liked one. On the other hand, CyberSkin dildos are specifically designed to provide that ‘realistic’ feel.
Personally, I love silicone dildos, though; they’re among the safest dildo materials out there. But don’t just take my word for it - here’s a comprehensive guide on safe and unsafe dildo materials worth checking out before investing in these adult toys.
Dildo Vs Penis?
Now here comes that controversial debate - dildo vs. penis. I won’t pick sides, but I’ll also tell you exactly why many people opt to invest in these artificial penises.
Not so long ago, dildos were primarily used by women for vaginal penetration. But now, more men are investing in these adult toys. So ask yourself one question - would these people buy dildos if they weren’t worth it? Your answer is as good as mine.
I’ve had 10+ sexual partners in my life (so far), and only 2 could make me cum.
As a woman, I feel like the only reason people debate whether or not dildos are better than penises is that some men feel threatened by them. But let’s face it - watching your woman cum shouldn’t be threatening (unless she’s getting fucked by another man).
Rather, it’s time we embraced dildos as part of our bedroom lives. In a study conducted by the Sextopedia Lab between October 2021 and July 2022, we found that 34% of the 4,468 participants we interviewed bought dildos to spice up their bedroom life.
The study also showed that 81% of the participants regretted not purchasing a dildo earlier.
This tells you one thing; dildos deserve some respect. They don’t fail to report for duty when called upon.
But let’s not ignore the fact that penises also deserve a standing ovation. Unlike dildos, penises feel more natural (duh, because they’re penises) and can also get you to orgasmsville (not every penis, though).
Then there’s also the issue of sexually transmitted diseases; you’re at a higher risk of contracting an STD fucking a penis than a dildo.
In most cases, a yeast infection is the worst you can get with a dildo, which is treatable with an anti-fungal medication. Within seven days, you’ll be back in action like you never left.
“If sex toys are used and not cleaned, pelvic infections can occur.”
by Lillian Sholtis Brunner, Suzanne C. O’Connell Smeltzer, et. al. Wolters Kluwer Health/Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2010
from Brunner & Suddarth’s Textbook of Medical-surgical Nursing
And did I mention a dildo won’t cheat on you? Let’s not even talk about the drama that comes with a penis.
The list is endless.
On that note, I’ll pick a dildo over a penis any day, anytime. This is my opinion, though; yours is equally welcomed because Sextopedia is a judgment-free zone.
We’re here to educate each other and share our experiences.
How to Insert a Dildo for the First Time?
If by any chance, I’ve convinced you that a dildo is better than a penis, you may want to try it out for the first time. As I said, some people try dildos and hate them from the get-go.
Others try them and regret not investing in these adult toys earlier.
It all narrows down to how you start off with your first dildo. Here are some lessons from the first time I used a dildo:
While dildos can be tempting to try, you need a little bit of practice and experience before you begin experimenting with more advanced versions, such as the fantasy dildos.
For best results, start with standard-sized dildos. I highly recommend the Curved Silicone Suction Cup Dildo 7 Inch from Lovehoney for its smoothness and realistic feel. It’s not that big, and that’s exactly what you want when starting out. This was one of my very first dildos, and I absolutely loved it!
Next, invest in a good lube for smoother penetration. Here’s a useful guide on choosing the best lubricant for you.
Once you have the right dildo and lube, it’s time for the real deal. Understandably, you’ll feel slightly nervous, so ensure you’re completely comfortable and relaxed.
Start slowly by stimulating your clit or anus while rubbing your titties. The whole point of this step is to get you ready both biologically and mentally.
Remember, each person is different. What works for you might not work for another person. For example, while some women love their titties sucked, others get turned on when you kiss their necks.
Once you’re ready, apply some lube to the toy, and then gently insert it. Begin by thrusting it back and forth gently, then go deeper as your muscles relax.
How to Use a Dildo Safely to Achieve an Orgasm?
Dildos are mostly used for vaginal, oral, and anal play. For this reason, let’s discuss each of these options.
Regardless of the route, you’ll need to warm up first. Every person has their own way of warming up before sex. For example, when I’m with my partner, I love my boobs sucked, and my neck kissed.
But when I’m alone, I prefer rubbing my clit gently while watching porn.
How do you warm yourself up? Lemme know in the comment section below.
Now, back to business…
How to Use a Dildo for Vaginal Play
Repeat the steps I discussed earlier to use a dildo for vaginal play.
Here’s a recap:
All you have to do is warm yourself up before inserting the dildo. For example, if you love your clit played with before penetration, you may want to invest in a vibrating dildo.
Our sex expert, Robert Thomas, recommends these top 7 vibrating dildos.
Then, apply lube to the dildo and gently rub it against your clit. When completely aroused and ready, insert it gently, and begin thrusting slowly.
You can then increase your tempo as your muscles relax and become even more comfortable with the adult toy.
How to Use a Dildo for Oral Play
Before sucking a dildo, you need to ensure that it’s made from a safe material. I researched some safe and unsafe dildo materials and came up with this report.
Begin by slowly licking the dildo and then moving it in circular motions up your mouth.
Focus on specific areas for a few minutes before moving on to the next. For example, you may want to suck the tip, move down to the deck, and then even lower to its ‘balls’.
How to Use a Dildo for Anal Play
When it comes to using pounding toys for anal play, I recommend purchasing those that are specifically designed for anal use. This is particularly important if you’re experimenting with adult sex toys for the first time.
There are many different anal dildos out there, but I personally recommend the Cock Locker Inflatable Penis Butt Plug 6 Inch from Lovehoney.
I love this anal toy in particular because it’s the right size for me, and most importantly, it is inflatable. You can increase its girth up to 12 inches as you play!
Once you’ve chosen the right anal phallus for you, you’ll need a lube next.
If you’re using the Cock Locker Inflatable Penis Butt Plug, it goes best with a water-based lubricant.
Apply lubricant to the anal dildo and gently massage your anus to relax its muscles. As you feel more relaxed, start with a slow penetration, keep it in place for a while, and then take the dildo out slowly. This slow in and out movement helps relax your muscles and expand your anus walls simultaneously.
Repeat the process as long as it takes to make you feel more relaxed.
For best results, put some lube on your other hand and rub your clit or dick as you insert the dido up your butt. You’ll thank me later.
Ways to Use a Dildo Solo or With a Partner
One thing I love about dildos is that you can achieve so much with them. You just need to be a little bit creative, as explained below.
1. Clitoris Play
For the ultimate pleasure, lie on a soft, flat surface, and then place a pillow behind your head (for comfort’s sake). You can warm yourself up by sucking your nipples, watching porn, having phone sex, or whatever turns you on.
Apply some lube to the adult toy, then rub it against your clit in a slow, circular motion. For best results, I recommend a vibrating dildo like the Desire Luxury Rechargeable Realistic Dildo Vibrator from Lovehoney.
The Lifelike Lover Classic Rechargeable Remote Control Dildo 8 Inch is also great, except that it has a separate remote control, which I find cumbersome. The Desire Luxury Dildo works best for me because it comes with centralized controls, meaning I don’t need to control it remotely.
2. A-Spot Stimulation
Also known as the “female prostate”, the A-spot is a pleasure area located around the anterior fornix erogenous zone (the same area as the G-spot).
Sex experts say that this spot is usually found 4 to 6 inches inside the vagina (2 inches-ish above the G-spot), somewhere between the cervix and bladder.
I found this article on Healthline that perfectly explains everything you need to know about the A-Spot.
While lying on your back, put some lube at the tip of a vibrating dildo, and then turn the vibration mode on. Rub the dildo on your clit slowly and gently, and then slowly insert it into your vagina.
Slowly massage your inner walls as you locate the G-Spot. When you find it, move the dildo slowly upwards to find the A-Spot.
3. Blowjob and Deepthroat
Blowjobs work best with silicone dildos attached to suction cups. I prefer silicone because it is 100% body-safe.
When I tried the dildo BJ the very first time, I mounted it on my bathroom wall and then started to suck it slowly and gently. I suggest moving your head gradually in different directions to relax the muscles in your mouth. Then, gently move your head towards the dildo, directing it towards your throat.
Repeat the process slowly, moving deeper into your throat with each attempt. Don’t worry about choking - your throat will naturally contract (gag reflex) if it feels you’re taking in too much dildo.
“Stroking the back of the throat stimulates the gag reflex.”
by Barbara Kuhn Timby; Wolters Kluwer Health/Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2009
from Fundamental Nursing Skills and Concepts
Did you know that applying pressure to a specific point on the palm alters the gag reflex? You can read more about it here.
4. Double Penetration
Double penetration means double pleasure - that’s not even debatable. However, the type of dildo you choose to work with ultimately decides the level of pleasure to expect.
The BASICS Mini Double Penetration Dildo from Lovehoney is my favorite for double penetration because it has both ends shaped like a penis. It also comes with the perfect measurements for a beginner (13 inches long, 4 inches wide).
I also love its C-shape, making it even easier to handle.
Make no mistake, though; I’m not a beginner, but I’m assuming you are. If you’re not a beginner, you can opt for something like the Lovehoney Ribbed G-Spot Sensual Glass Dildo for that coarse feeling, thanks to its ‘ribbed’ texture.
When ready, lie on your side, and put some lube on both ends of the double-sided dildo. Slowly insert one end into your vagina and then the other end into your anus.
Rock the dildo back and forth (slowly) until your muscles begin to relax.
5. Temperature Play
You can add some fun to temperature play by introducing a dildo. This also depends on the kind of temperature you’re most comfortable with. Some people get turned when it’s cold, while others prefer warm temperatures.
If you love it cold, a glass dildo understands the assignment better. Here’s a collection of 7 of the most highly-recommended glass dildos on the market.
Once you find what you’re looking for, put it in the fridge for around 30 minutes before using it vaginally, orally, or anally.
And if you love it warm, a glass dildo also works great. Place it in warm water for around 5 minutes as you pleasure yourself (try masturbation or foreplay as the dildo warms up). Then, pat it with a warm towel before inserting it into your pleasure holes.
6. Extending Your Penis With a Hollow Dildo
Finally, penis extender sleeves (hollow dildos) have entered the chat! This is a true relationship saver!
You can use this toy in different positions, but I recommend the missionary and doggy styles. This is because you want to ensure the extension stays firmly attached to your penis as you glide.
Put on the penis sleeve, lubricate the tip, and then lubricate your partner’s honey pot. Slowly spread her lips and then push in the dido-dick combo.
Read More | How To Use a Penis Sleeve
Move in and out slowly while communicating with your partner to make them comfortable. Once you feel minimal fiction, increase the tempo slowly per your partner’s directions.
7. G-spot (Female prostate) Stimulation
G-spot or Gräfenberg spot is a part of the clitoral network and its stimulation works similarly to A-spot stimulation.
“So if you insert your index finger upward into the vagina and make the “come here” (aka ” come hither”) movement, you will touch the G-spot region that exists in some women.”
by Michael F. Roizen, Mehmet Oz; Scribner, 2008
from YOU: Being Beautiful: The Owner’s Manual to Inner and Outer Beauty
Broadly speaking, around 2 inches away from the A-spot, you’ll find the G-spot begging for action.
G-spot stimulation may also lead to squirting (female ejaculation) and for that reason you may be interested in reading the following article:
How To Squirt With a Dildo | Read More
8. Pegging
If your partner’s anus feels neglected in this conversation, don’t worry; we have something for everyone.
That’s where pegging comes in. But before that, you’ll need a strap-on dildo. While there are many strap-on dildos on the market, here are 6 of the most popular.
The Advanced Unisex Strap-On Harness Kit and Dildo from Lovehoney is my personal favorite - I love how steady it feels and the fact that it comes with three interchangeable O-rings, meaning I can use it with any of the dildos in my collection.
Whether it is your first time or not, you’ll need a lot of lube for pegging. This is because the anus isn’t naturally designed to lubricate yourself. The last thing you want is to have anal sores after a steamy session with your partner.
Remember, the goal is to experience pleasure, not pain.
How To Ride a Dildo?
There’s no one-fit-all guide to riding a dildo.
The exact steps will depend on the specific type of dildo (preferably a suction cup) and the sex position (preferably cowboy/girl). That said, here’s a more detailed guide on riding a dildo worth checking out.
How To Choose The Right Dildo for The Right Play?
When looking for the right dildo for the right play, think about your preferences. In other words, the specific play will determine the kind of dildo you let.
For instance, if you’re into temperature play, a glass dildo works best because it’s easier to warm and cool. On the other hand, if you love double penetration, you need a double-sided dildo with not-so-complicated features.
Using Dildo Safely
Safety is one of the most important things people (including myself) look at when purchasing a dildo. In fact, it’s among the key elements Sextopedia considers when reviewing dildos.
Check out this guide on how we test dildos for more details.
Now, let’s discuss safety…
Where to Use Dildo Safely?
A dildo can go anywhere; into your booty hole, vagina, or mouth, just as long as you don’t share it with someone whose sexual health status you do not know.
It’s also important to note that using the same dildo for anal and vaginal penetration increases your chances of contracting infections. For this reason, consider using anal dildos only for anal penetration.
“However, safety practices should be followed. Sex toys must be carefully cleaned. Sex toys inserted into the anus should never be inserted into the vagina.“
by Lisa Keenan-Lindsay, Cheryl Sams, et. al. Elsevier Health Sciences, 2016
from Maternal Child Nursing Care in Canada - E-Book
Can I Use a Dildo Without a Condom?
Yes, you can use a dildo without a condom, just as long as you do not share it with someone whose health status you do not know. If you must share the dildo with a random sex partner, use a condom.
“Latex or polyurethane male condoms and the polyurethane female condom offer the most effective means of STD prevention, next to abstinence.”
by Alfred F. Tallia, Joseph E. Scherger, Nancy Dickey Elsevier Health Sciences, 2016
from Swanson’s Family Medicine Review
Alternatively, ensure they are tested for sexually-transmitted infections before the action begins.
What Type of Condoms Should I Use With Dildos?
Most condoms work great with dildos. However, check if you’re allergic to any of the materials used to manufacture the condom, such as latex. The size of the dildo will also determine the type of condoms to use.
Most condom manufacturers sell them in different sizes: from small, medium, large, to extra large. For added pleasure, you may want to try out ribbed condoms.
Here are different types of condoms and where they fit best.
Can Dildos Transmit Stds?
Yes, dildos can transmitt STDs. To minimize the risk of getting STDs while using a dildo, use a condom every time you use the dildo with someone whose health status you do not know.
Also, while using a condom, ensure you change it every time you switch roles (and holes) with your partner.
Alternatively, just don’t share the dildo. Period.
Can I Share My Dildo?
Yes, you can share your dildo with someone who has tested negative for STDs, as you would with your penis or vagina. However, if you are unsure of their sexual health status, use a condom, or better still, don’t share the dildo.
Is There a Wrong Way to Use a Dildo?
There isn’t really a wrong way to use a dildo. One of the things I love about these adult toys is that they always leave room for exploration.
However, I know I sound like a broken record, but if you are unsure of your partner’s sexual health status, it’s risky to share a dildo with them. Other than that, dildos are fun to play with because they come with endless possibilities.
What Should NOT Be Used as a Dildo?
Anything that’s not a dildo shouldn’t be used as one. Even if it looks like a dildo and it’s not an actual dildo, it’s not worth the risk.
This is because most dildos (or at least the ones the team at Sextopedia recommends) are specifically designed using body-safe materials. Remember, no matter how horny you are, safety should always come first.
But if you can’t resist the urge to fuck your car’s shift stick or your hairbrush handle, ensure you have a condom with you!
Read More | DIY Dildo Guide
Do I Need to Use Lube With Dildos? What Kind of Lube?
Not having a lube doesn’t mean a dildo won’t penetrate you; it will. But you also need to know that the penetration (especially anal) will likely be uncomfortable, to say the least.
The kind of lube to use will depend on different factors. For example, a silicone-based lubricant is the best option if you have super sensitive skin.
On the other hand, oil best lubes are great because they don’t dry up so quickly, and you can also use them for a steamy massage with your partner before or after sex.
“If you plan on using latex condoms, oil-based lubes won’t work for you. This lube increases the risk of rips and tears when used with latex condoms.”
by Robert Thomas
from Sextopedia
If you’re unsure which lube will work best for you, check out this lube shopping guide for ideas.
How To…
How to Wear a Dildo?
Ready to have some fun with a strap-on dildo? Here’s how to wear it:
- Take the O-ring out of the harness
- Insert the dildo through the O-ring and position it correctly
- Use the metal snaps to hold the O-ring back together, keeping the dildo firmly in place
- Wear your harness like you would your panties or briefs
- Adjust the thigh straps to ensure the harness is firmly fixed (not all dildos come with thigh straps)
Once you’re ready for some action, remember to apply lube to the dildo. Then, start slow and steady, allowing your partner to warm up to the dildo.
How to Warm-Up a Dildo?
Please don’t put the dildo in the microwave. And no, the oven won’t work either.
Some users get a little bit creative when warming up dildos, which is still okay. For example, this Reddit user used a heating pad.
Genius move, that!
Gays & Lesbians & Dildos
Do Men Use Dildos to Pleasure Themselves?
Yes, men use dildos. Gone are the days when dildos were only used for women and by women. A 2015 study by LELO discovered that 71% of straight men have tried or would like to try a prostate massager.
How Can Men Use Dildos?
The exact steps will depend on the type of dildo. For example, the steps for using a penis sleeve (hollow dildo) aren’t the same as using a prostrate massager or a pegging toy.
Why Do Lesbians Use Dildos?
We all know that penetrative sex feels great, right? Lesbians use dildos for the very same reason; there are thousands of nerve endings inside the vagina that you can choose to visit with a dildo.
“…Some lesbians have argued that dildos do not represent penises; rather, they are sex toys that have an authentic place in the history of lesbian subculture.”
by Janet Price, Margrit Shildrick; Routledge, 1999
from Feminist Theory and the Body: A Reader
FAQs
Do You Have to Be an Adult to Use a Dildo?
In most cases, it’s not illegal to buy a sex toy if you’re not an adult. In fact, many people believe that sex toys can help prevent early pregnancies and STDs among young people. That said, most sex shops don’t sell toys to individuals under the age of 18 because they’re not considered ‘adults’ enough to make such choices.
Can I Use a Dildo With My Partner?
Yes, you can use a dildo with your partner if you trust each other. The best part is that you won’t need a condom if you know your partner’s sexual health status and have no reason to doubt their loyalty to you.
How Many Women and Men Own a Dildo?
The use of dildos is higher among women. However, recent studies show that men are now using dildos more than ever before. To put things into perspective, at least 43% of participants in the dildo survey conducted by Sextopedia, the biggest of its kind, were men.
Women accounted for 54% of the group, while the remaining 3% didn’t identify themselves with any specific gender.
Can You Lose Your Virginity to a Dildo?
Not really. If that were the case, using a tampon would equal losing your virginity. To lose your virginity, you’ll need to have sex with a real human. Again, this is not based on science or anything like that. It’s purely my opinion.
“Broadly speaking, virginity refers to the state of having never had sex and virginity loss refers to a person’s first sexual encounter.”
by by Harry T. Reis, Susan Sprecher; SAGE Publications, 2009
from Encyclopedia of Human Relationships: Vol. 1-
How to Use a Suction Cup Dildo?
It’s easy to use a suction cup dildo. You just need to mount it on the suction cup (if it comes with a detachable suction cup) and then gently push the bottom of the dildo against a flat surface. For best results, consider mounting your suction cup dildo on the following areas:
- The edge of the bathtub
- The shower wall
- Your bed’s headboard (if made of wood or plastic)
- Furniture such as certain desks, chairs
- Washer and dryer
- Wide mirror
Basically, you can mount the dildo on anything that supports the suction cup, including your car’s body. Just don’t get caught. You’ll likely get an indecent exposure ticket for that.
How to Use a Thrusting Dildo?
Thrusting dildos often come with instructions on how to use them. But most don’t require rocket science to learn how they work. Instead, simply turn them on, choose the right thrusting speed, apply some lube, and you’re good to go!
How to Use a Dildo in the Shower?
If you love that kinky sex in the shower, consider using a suction cup dildo to spice things up. As mentioned earlier, these dildos stick pretty well against the shower walls or even on the edge of the bathtub.
Once mounted, you can have it penetrate you from the back, in front, or from below (sitting on it). The choice is yours.
How to Fit a Big Dildo?
When you’re ready to play in the big league, you’ll need to invest lots of lube. Then, when your hole is all oiled up and ready for some action, begin by slowly and gently penetrating the tip of the dildo.
You’ll likely experience that ‘sweet pain’ as the dildo slithers through your walls. Relaxation is the key to fitting a big dildo.
You may rub your clit or gently stroke your penis to feel more relaxed. Remember, patience pays and impatience pains when it comes to using big dildos.
Do Dildos Hurt?
It depends on how you use them. For example, you’ll likely feel pain if you use dildos without lube. In addition, certain dildo sex positions, such as the reverse cowgirl, don’t feel so great with dildos.
Is a Bigger Dildo Better?
Big doesn’t necessarily mean better. The right dildo hits all your right spots and also makes you feel comfortable. Some people prefer long and thin while others love short and thick. Ultimately, it all depends on how much pounding you can take and how well the phallus hits the right spots.
